I have never thought of myself as a negative person, I have always seen the glass as half full rather than half empty. I couldn't even imagine being a negative type personality, maybe a little too much pollyanna at times, but never negative. I have always been grateful for the my blessings and my gifts in life and I have never doubted my belief in God. I have to confess, however, that during the past year or so, personal and public happenings have been enough to shake someone even as strong as myself.
My recent loss of a relationship was extremely difficult, but necessary for both of us. Having been married and divorced before, with much bitterness, I might add, I wanted this relationship to end calmly and it has so far. I have had my own health issues to deal with, but I will be fine. I just have to learn to care more about my physical and emotional well-being and I will. I have, in the past, focused too much on people that can, ultimately, care for themselves. My ex-husband, taking his own life last fall, affected me deeply as well. Even though our relationship ended over 10 years ago, there is always some attachment left. I didn't spend almost 10 years with that person without feeling sad about his death. I don't believe I could ever take my own life as he did. I have been through very painful times in my life, times when I didn't think I could go on, but you have to. God gave me this life and I would never dishonor him by destroying it. I really believe that everything that happens is a lesson, even painful ones, like the death of my daughter and other loved ones. I don't doubt for a moment that someday I will understand these lessons and I don't doubt either that we will be together again. That faith is unshakeable.
Life is in session, and sometimes I allow myself to feel sorry for myself and question if there has to be so much personal pain and suffering. I also let the world's issues affect me and I always will, I care for mankind and involve myself in any way I can. I worry about Iran and possible nuclear warfare because I have grandchildren that would be affected by this. It breaks my heart to watch the continuation of the devastation in Iraq and the hurricanes and earthquakes. Call me silly, but it is enough to make someone stand up and ask some rather pointed questions.
Is it wrong or unfair of me to ask God to lighten up the load, even just a little bit? Does fear replace faith at some point? Does the path get narrower as we get older? Please do not think that I have nothing to be thankful for, because I am so blessed. I have my health, I have children and grandchildren that are my ultimate blessings, I can support myself, I love my work, I have at least one true friend that is always there for me and I have my pets that adore me.
Sometimes, I just need to reflect when life gets too heavy, so I do, and I blog about it. Appreciate what you have, you could lose it in a heartbeat...........
No comments:
Post a Comment