*Have We Become a Nation of Complacent Sheep?*

Over the past few days, we have all been entranced by the tragedy of Katrina, which we should be. We care about our fellow Americans. But, I was thinking today, as I noticed the price of gas going into the stratosphere, have I become so conditioned into accepting what is in this country without question or thought?

What has happened to the stories about Karl Rove leaking the information that he did, the Downing Street memoes, Abul Graub and the treatment of prisoners, the unbelievable cost of the war in Iraq, not just in billions, but in loss of our young soldiers, which is rapidly approaching 2000, the nomination of John Roberts to the Supreme Court, on and on, they seem to be here one day and gone the next? Where have the res0lution of these stories gone? Have we become so complacent as Americans to accept the stories as they are told, ask a few questions, and move on with the order of business at the moment? Are we at fault for not failing to act, think, talk and make a big deal about an issue that we think is important to this country? Have we become complacent and manipulated into accepting news that happens to us and our citizens without asking questions and demanding answers? Has our perception of what has gone on simply changed or have we become a nation of complacent citizens?

Have we forgotten who we are and what we stand for? Have we handed over our government to people that really could not care less about us because we are not of the same social or economic class? We have stopped standing up for our rights, and as a result we have lost many of them. This fact is so disturbing when you look at the female or the minority populations. Lately it seems that the only people who are interested in what happens to this country are the right-wing commentators and their fundamentalist-religious-fanatic supporters, but the times they need changing! The people that voted for Dubya got what they deserved in my opinion. The rest of us are stuck with his inept, bungling government.

Unfortunately, people will not be motivated to action until they believe that something is gravely wrong with the status quo. We are complacent in accepting what we are told, and as a whole we just don't care. The other pr0blem is that most Americans have patriotism confused with nationalism, in that anyone who questions or opposes the "leader" is a traitor and a coward.

We have to take our nation back, ask the questions that should be asked, demand answers, and demand that we be heard.

*The Real Heroes of This World*

Watching all of the death and destruction in New Orleans as a result of the hurricane Katrina is just so heartbreaking. Thousand of people homeless, without food, water, medical supplies is just unbelievable. People that were poor to begin with, that were unable to leave because they had no transportation, nor any money to get out of the way. They have lost what little they had to begin with. It is just so tragic. Watching all this, I had to wonder why people in this country worship celebrities, sports figures, movie stars as their heroes. The true heroes are the coast guard, who are flying helicopters and lifting people off their roofs, some even risking their lives to reach people. Are they paid well for this service, no, but they do it because they care about their fellow man. The people that work for the Red Cross, the churches, the hospitals with nurses and doctors working under the most extreme circumstances, not for the glory or the money, or the celebrity, but because they care about their fellow man.

It amazes me that the people who receive millions for standing in front of a camera reciting words, or sports figures that play ball or race cars, or the celebrities that jump on stage wearing low slung pants, mega gold chains and drive costly automobiles are what this country place on pedestals, and pay ridiculous, obscene amounts of money.

The true heroes, the ones we should place on pedestals risk their lives every day, leave their homes and work horrible hours with pay that does not compensate the service they provide. These are my heroes............

*I Am What I Am and That's All That I Am*

I think that as I have aged, I have considered the great philosophers like Plato, Socrates and even Aristotle as great thinkers, but the person more in touch with the state of human thought and mindset was my buddy, Popeye the Sailorman, who said "I am what I am and that's all I am!

Who are we, what do we do, and what are our likes and dislikes? In the end, we all are who we are.

First and foremost, I am a wife, a mother and a grandmother. I am also a cat mother to my fur babies.

I am a loyal friend and a passionate supporter of many causes including: The mentally ill, the elderly, the developmentally disabled, gay rights and the innocent.

I am well educated with a degree in nursing.

I participate in politics each election and am a supporter of the Democratic party. I do not like George Bush and the direction the country is headed. I will work harder in the next campaign in order to support my ideals.

I am an avid reader and haunt my local library. I read bestsellers, biographies, classics and theology.

I appreciate honesty and love good conversation. Anyone reading my blog, feel free to discuss the topics I post on. I don't need validation by anyone so I will consider your posts and your opinion.

I have experienced great pain in my life with the loss of a child, the disintegration of relationships, but I have recovered and consider them life's lessons. I know that I will see my loved ones beyond this life, of that I am convinced. My losses have strengthened me as a person. I am a secure woman and consider myself as having peace of mind an asset.

I have a peaceful content heart, but that is something I have had to work at.

When you get to the bottom line, it's just like Popeye said: I am what I am and that's all I am! He was right you know!

*I Am Grateful For.......................

I am grateful for the positive things that I have in my life, friends and family, who love me no matter what.

I am grateful for a brand new day when I wake up each morning and the ability to try to better myself.

I am grateful that I have clean air to breathe in a country that is free.

I am grateful that I have eyes to see and further my love of reading and seeing the beautiful things in my life, my children, my grandchildren, flowers, my pets.

I am grateful for my pets and my love of animals.

I am grateful that I have achieved my goal in education and have had a career which I am proud of.

That today I have a voice and the ability to share how I feel.

I am grateful for everything I have in my life. I can honestly say that I am beyond blessed. I have a roof over my head, food in my belly and love in my heart.

*LEAVE TAKING*

People rarely leave us all at once - I believe that leave-taking is a slow process because handling it all at once would be far too painful. When my mother died over a year ago at the age of 83 I became aware that she really had began leaving us several years previously. There were the almost imperceptible changes in her habits and her personality that went unnoticed for a long while, only noticeable as a pattern really, in retrospect. There was a shrinking process where she began to inhabit less and less of her home. She gave up her bedroom upstairs and began her life on the daybed in her living room, a small distance from the kitchen table where she would eat her meals and watch the world go by out of her kitchen window. She then became dependent on others such as the doctor she loved who made home visits, the almost daily short visits from my brother to check on her after he quit working, occasional visits from a visiting nurse that her doctor had ordered, the visits from her grandaughter Leslie and her great-grandaughter who would clean her house or weed her garden weekly.
Eventually we all noticed that it was becoming impossible for her to live alone - after she had burned food once too often, after we discovered spoiled food in the refrigerator and confusion over her medication, after she had fallen one too many times. We probably should have intervened sooner, but like lovers sad to see the morning come, we were reluctant to part with our image of the woman we loved and admired.
But our intervention wasn't required because her health intervened and her scaled down life became one of a hospital bed. That move from the house that she had lived in for so many years, the home she had worked so hard to pay for, the garden she had tended lovingly, the birds and animals that she had fed over the years, must have seemed like a death to her. After the hospital, for a short time her life continued to shrink when she moved into a nursing home and shared a room with another lady. A room where she could no longer have her prized possessions, her birds, her cat. She tried to adjust and eventually took comfort in the narrowness of her orbit. Then came the night she had breathing difficulties and was taken to an even smaller hospital where she required the use of a breathing tube down her throat and an intensive care unit where the lights were on night and day and eventually the placement of a feeding tube. She could no longer speak nor enjoy the thing she loved most, eating. Everything went downhill from then as her world continued to shrink. Eventually she was allowed her release from this life to go to another world where she could be with the family who preceded her and have all the space in the heavens to roam freely...................................

I have come to understand that this leave-taking is something we must all do constantly by the time we read mid-life. Perhaps this is what the midlife crisis is all about - we occupy our youth with getting 'things', acquiring and spending, climbing to the top of the hill, only to realize that the downward slope of the hill on the other side is littered with things that just slip away. Not just things slip away - people, too, begin to slip away at an alarming rate once we reach our 40s and 50s. How can we ever be ready. Our clinging - to youth, to perfect vision, to stamina - only makes the leave-taking awkward and painful.

*If I Knew Then What I Know Now*

We all know that life is more about the journey than the destination. If we could access the life map, would we peek at it and possibly change it or would we leave it profiting from our good and bad times. Didn't our experiences make us who we are today? Would we have taken a detour or stayed the path. Here are my thoughts:

I would have said "I love you" more often to the family I have lost.

I would have been proud of my body as it is, not worry about weight, wrinkles, ageing. I am beautiful and I am loved. I regret wasting time wanting to be something I already was.

I would have learned how to forgive. Carrying anger weighs down your soul and gives your power to the one needing forgiveness.

I would not have rushed to be a teenager, to be a wife, to be a mother. As you age, you want your youth back, want to run in to grass all summer, want to never grow older. I should never have been in such a hurry to grow up.

Today, I wear minimal makeup, run a comb through my hair and spend as much time as I can doing the things that I want. I wish I hadn't worried so much in the past about how I looked or what other people thought.

I would have talked more to my grandparents and older aunts and uncles about our family history and how life was when they were growing up. I could have passed this on to my children and grandchildren who are entitled to their history.

I would not have taken that first puff off of a cigarette. I didn't realize how bad that would affect my health or how hard the habit was to kick.

I would have trodden much more lightly on people's feelings. Many people have fragile feelings, it takes only a smile or a kind word to show your sensitivity and respect.

I would have been more cautious in my choice of partners. I would have insisted on long engagements in order to know one another.

I would learn to slow down, smell the roses and enjoy life...........I was always in such a hurry and I don't know why.

I would have not worried. It never solved a problem and it is wasted energy.

I would have participated in more guilty pleasures!

*MY LOVE OF FRAGRANCE*

Belonging to several message boards where we discuss our love of fragrance, I began making a list of smells that I love.
Smells that evoke good memories, take me back in time, or smells that comfort:

The smell of a newborn baby, nothing like it!

The smell of puppies breath, I dearly love it.

The smell of wet concrete right after a rain.

The smell of newly sawed lumber or cedar shavings.

The smell of fresh grass recently mowed.

The smell of new books and office supplies.

The fragrance of old musty book stores.

The smell of the earth after a spring rain.

The musty smell of fruit cellars and basements.

The smell of fresh laundry from the dryer or off the clothesline.

The smell of beautiful garden in the early morning when the dew is still present.

The smell of pine trees and the forest on a cold winter morning.

Bouquets of roses, bouquets of lilys and other fragrant flowers

The smell of leaves burning on a fall afternoon.

The smell of baked bread and the aroma created by a cooking turkey.

*Feel Like Fall Weather*

I'd really rather have fall and winter months throughout my ideal year. Love the concept of nestling down. The smell of the oven with marvelous foods therein (I try to keep the oven to a minimum in the summertime and even gage cooking times for the cool of the evening). But not in the fall and winter. The smell of cinnamon and apples, slow cooked baked beans, a rosemary and red wine pot roast.Ah these are the small blessings which encourage reflection and inspire and provide solace. Even the colors of burnt umber,the spectrum of browns, deep reds and leaf yellows are more soothing to my soul. The touch of cashmere, and the glam of boots! I am left cold by flowered summer frocks and shorts. No inspiration therein at all. But a fur vest...now there's a smile from me. Summertime, to me is contrivedwith literal brightness and glare. Fall brings me normalcy and symmetry.

That's what today feels like, and it is so refreshing and calming. I can smell fall in the early morning air! It has always been my favorite season as I have grown older, now in my Fall phase of my life.

Years ago, my favorite season was spring and it would run a close second. Nothing is more satisfying that taking a cup of coffee/tea outside to sit on the porch in my robe and listen to the sweet sound of birds at the beginning of their day and smelling the dew-wet grass and earth. It is an inspiring moment and everything is right in the world, if only for those moments alone with nature.

My Brand New Blog

Beautiful butterflies.................August 23rd, 2005

This is my new blog for posting thoughts and occurences. I love the visuals on here already. Life is good right now..................I have free time, I can relax and read and I am content. David has a new job that he likes and that should be a place he can eventually retire from. Everyone is in good health as far as I know and everyone is happy. This is an improvement over the past few years. That is why butterflies are beautiful!!

More thoughts tomorrow............................................