*Under Heaven's Skies*

Whenever I taste honey from your lips
It's a moment of purpose only you can give
Whatever I hear, whatever I may see
Whatever my cause dear, I know you'll believe
'Cause you're beautiful my love
When I close my eyes
Yeah, you're beautiful my love
Under Heaven's skies

If ever you think careless is the night
I'll comfort you with silence till the morning light
Wherever you may turn, wherever you may roam
Whatever you conquer, I'll always be your home
'Cause you're beautiful my love
Under Heaven's skies
You fly me through your skies of harmony
Then you lay me down with words of honesty
Yeah, you're beautiful
You're beautiful here with me........



*Lyrics and music by Ed Roland of Collective Soul

*BLISS*

I have a strong belief that there are moments in my life when time actually stops. Okay, time doesn't really stop, but something significant definitely happens. It feels like time stops. It feels like the only thing that matters is what is happening in that specific moment. It feels like having all of my problems, stresses and fears lifted....everything negative is removed from my being....when I exhale, I breathe out all of the unpleasantness that I feel, think, see. It is a profound peace within me, a feeling of invincibility, a feeling of perfect harmony between that moment and myself.

These moments do not come as often as I would like them to. If they came more often, I would have absolutely no stress to deal with or I would not value them as I do. It seems that I could never exhaust myself of moments like this, but what makes them so extraordinary is that they are spontaneous, but infinitely welcomed and anticipated. Inner peace is so very difficult to achieve, but in these moments it seems so simple, so realistic. I've learned to appreciate these moments, as I am unsure of when the next one will come.

Whenever I am near the ocean, by myself, or above with my grandson, I feel relieved. Of what, I don't know. Maybe just relieved of life; the everyday life that wears me out, dulls my senses, numbs my soul. I could be on that beach in St. Augustine, Daytona or especially, Sanibel Island for the rest of my life and never grow tired of it. The sound of the ocean, the smell of the salt, the feel of the sand and cold water on my feet, the wind on my face, and the hand of a treasured child with me, the two existing in a flawless unity that cannot be duplicated....all of these things formed moments that will be with me forever. It was bliss, but not a naive, unaware bliss. It was a conscious bliss, a mindful bliss, a living bliss, almost like I just knew........I just got it.......All at once. Epiphany in it's purest form. Transcendence complete.

*If I Could Put Time In A Bottle*

There isn't time, there isn't time
To do all the things I want to do,
With all the mountain-tops to climb,
And all the woods to wander through,
And all the seas to sail upon,
And everywhere there is to go,
And all the people, every one
Who lives upon the earth, to know.
There's only time, there's only time
To know a few, and do a few,
And then sit down and make a rhyme
About the rest I want to do.

Time is: Too slow for those who wait,
Two swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love,
Time is not.

*Today*

Today is mine. It is unique
Nobody in the world has one exactly like it.
It holds the sum of all my past experiences and all my future potentials.

I can fill it with joyous moments or ruin it with fruitless worry.
If painful recollections of the past come into my mind,
Or frightening thoughts of the future, I can put them away.

They cannot spoil the day for me................

*Two Wolves*

An old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside each of us.

The battle is between two "wolves".

One wolf is Evil. It has anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other wolf is Good. It has joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought at this for a moment, and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

*The Weight Of A Snowflake*

"Tell me the weight of a snowflake," a coal mouse asked a wild dove. "Nothing more than nothing" responded the dove.

"In that case, I must tell you a marvelous story," the coal mouse said. "I sat on the branch of a fir tree, close to its trunk, when it began to snow, not heavily, not in a raging blizzard.....no.........just like in a dream, without any violence. Since I didn't have anything better to do, I counted the snowflakes settling on the twigs and needles of my branch. Their number was exactly 3,741,952. When the next snowflake dropped onto the branch weighing nothing more than nothing, as you say - the branch broke off."

Having said that, the coal mouse ran away. The dove, since Noah's time was an authority on the matter, thought about the story for awhile and finally said to herself --- "Perhaps there is only one person's voice lacking for peace to come about in the world".

I was thinking about this story as I considered the fact that lately, all we hear is bad news. Isn't it time for peace and good news in the world? It's much too easy for us to bury our heads in the sand and want to stay away from the matters of the world, especially at the present time.
The US has been in Iraq for much too long, too many lives have been lost, and a terribly great price has been paid. Sadly, we are still recovering from the horrible damage caused by several hurricanes in the Gulf coast last year. The price of gas is at an alltime high and expected to go higher, probably due to so many factors, supply, demand, and most likely, quite a bit of price gouging. We have a president whose popularity is at an alltime low, and sinking further each day. What a gloomy picture of the world we all say................

We are in a time to change the atmosphere in which we live, either by perception, acts or deeds. One cannot live on bad news forever. The mind, body and the soul need a change, in spite of all of the black clouds that hover. We need to stay positive, believe that there is a brightness and light, even in the mist of gloom. Ultimately, life, and what it is really all about, may be based more on our attitudes towards ourselves and our fellow human beings more than anything else.

*N U R S E *

It was a game we all played as a child
Then some of us made it a dream worthwhile
More to learn, with less time to share
Because in our hearts we truly cared

We have worked the late night hours
While others slept away
Handled a doctor's many moods
Then found time to pray

Critical moments that remain memories
Some sad, then some are good
Then there are the tragedies
They will never be understood

We will see a newborn baby smile
As we watch another slip away
And that completes the circle
The price for life that's paid

Sometimes not appreciated
When just a hug will do
We are Proud of our profession
A gift from me to you

* The Most Beautiful Heart*

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered to admire his perfect heart. There was not a mark or a flaw in it and they all agreed it was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." Everyone looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but it was full of scars. Pieces had been removed and replaced with pieces that didn't fit quiteright and left jagged edges. In some places, there were deep gouges where pieces were missing. The people wondered how he thought his heart was more beautiful.

The young man looked at the old man's heart and laughed. "You must be joking" he said. "My heart is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears". "Yes," said the old man "yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, each scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact it leaves rough edges. I cherish those flaws because they remind me of the love we shared."

Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away but the other person didn't return their a piece of their heart to me, leaving an empty gouge. Although those gouges are painful, they remind me of the the love I have for these people. And, I hope someday they will return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheecks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece of his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, so there were some jagged. edges. The young man looked at his heart, no longer perfect, but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his. They embraced and walked away, side by side.............................

*Scrapping The Difficult Times*

I posted last month near my daughter's birthday about how I had not really dealt with her loss and that it was time to do so. Even though it has been nearly 4 years since she died, I had been in denial as a protective, defense mechanism so that I would not have to recall the pain and loss. I have a habit of doing that and believe me, I don't recommend it!

I had decided to finally deal with it, and to do it by memorializing her in a scrapbook. Scrapbooking is my passion, my creative side, my way of dealing with life's problems and issues by journaling and creating beautiful collage-type pages. I am complimented frequently on my scrapbooks.

How you decide to scrap the difficult times in your life is very personal and each individual has to decide what is right for them. I have found scrapping and journaling to be intensely healing for me. Even if you don't want all of your thoughts in your scrapbooks, I would suggest that you write them down anyway - just put your thoughts in a pocket page or keep them entirely separate. Even if you journal only for yourself or even delete what you write every night, it can still help you tremendously.

*Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened*

It took me a long time to say that and mean it. I am thankful for the years I had my daughter, for her individuality, for her life, I am blessed to have known her as a person.

*God can heal a broken heart, but he has to have all of the pieces*

*Happiness lives for those who cry, who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives*

The above thoughts (and I am writing thoughts and responding to them) are very true, unless you experience these things, you really have never known the importance of people in your life. My heart was very shattered because I was not allowing the healing, healing is a good thing.

*It's taking me a long time to be the person I want to be.*
*Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you can not bear the pain. But, you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond the pain. (Kahlil Gibran)*
*My guardian angel has a very tough job.*

I think that Kahlil Gibran knew me in another life when he spoke those words. My guardian angel does have a very tough job! I am almost where I want to be in the process if becoming the person I want to be. Somehow I have to believe that I'm worth all of the aggravation I cause myself.

*You'll never leave where you are, until you decide where you'd rather be*
*In grief, one can endure the day, but just the day. But when one also tries to bear the grief ahead, one cannot encompass it. As for happiness, it can only be the ability to experience the moment. It is not next year that life will be so flawless, and if we keep trying to wait for next year's happiness, the river of time will wind past us and we shall not have lived at all.*

I have done many scrapbooks, some good, some bad and some truly beautiful. The memorial scrapbook that I am almost finished with now will truly be my "masterpiece". I truly had no idea how wonderfully therapeutic and healing this gift of love to her would be. What I believed would be a very painful experience has been a wonderful, healing process for me. There is no sadness is this memorial, that is what death is about. It is a tribute to her short life, pages of pictures of her throughout her life, her funny little quirks, her kindness, her beauty, and most of all, her humanness.

The opening tribute page sure is a strange one. I was going through all of her pictures deciding which one to use as the opening tribute. I came upon a picture of her sitting at a child-size table with her sister's young son on his third or fourth birthday, She had this little clown hat on her head and the biggest grin, acting like the other kids at the party, she was having a great time! This is it, I said to myself, this is who she was - she never lost her 'inner child' as most grownups do. I am so thankful for that memory and the lives that she touched.

I would recommend this for anyone who wants to heal, to pay tribute to an important person in their lives - not with flowers and candles, give those things to them while they are alive when they can see them and appreciate them. Make it a positive, upbeat, happy scrapbook as a memorial, a tribute to someone who was kind enough to bring you happiness, love and fond memories with their lives.

*My Best Friend, Judy.....................*

The other night, several co-workers were discussing the importance of having 'best' friends versus one's number of acquaintances. I drove home and started to contemplate it. I could count on one hand my best friends in this lifetime. One of my first best friends, Betty, and I more or less grew up together. We knew each other from Junior High, our dad's worked at the same Chrysler plant. We got married fairly close, we had children the same way, we saw each other socially at least once a week. We even went as families on many trips and vacations. She was my best friend for over 30 years, but yet, when I filed for divorce from my first husband, and she had just recently been divorced by her husband, she ended up with my husband, who I then considered as well, 'my best friend in the world.

I then began thinking about 'what is the difference between a friend and a best friend, and compared Betty to my friend, Judy'?

1. A friend has rarely seen you cry, but your best friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

2. A friend doesn't know your parent by their first names, but your best friend has their phone numbers in her address book.

3. A friend brings a bottle of wine to your party, but your best friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

4. A friend hates it when you call after she has gone to bed, but your best friend asks "whats the matter" and sits up in bed to listen.

5. A friend seeks to talk with you about your problems, but a best friend seeks to listen and help with any problems that she can.

6. A friend wonders about your romantic history, but your best friend could literally blackmail you with it, but doesn't.

7. A friend, when visiting, seems to act like a guest, but a best friend opens your refrigerator and helps herself.

8. A friend expects you to always be there for her when she needs you, a best friend knows as you know, that she will always be there for you.

9. A friend thinks the friendship is over when you disagree or have an argument, your best friend 'knows' that is's not a friendship until you have had a fight.

Judy is my best friend and has been for over 25 years. We worked together as Nurses, we have babysat each other's children, we divorced our husband together, remarried others together, divorced the second ones together, and disagreed, argued, and loved each other together for that 25 years. When my oldest daughter died in 2002, I called Judy long after bedtime because I was so distraught and she was the person in the world that I could open my heart to, cry and sob in my grief, and she was there. She was there the entire memorial service, refusing to leave unti she was assured I was okay. She has always been there for me. She definitely passes the 'best friend' test and I am so lucky that I have her as my 'best friend'!

*How Do We Justify Outsourcing vs. Immigration?*

You know that with all the recent Bush-bashing, I just had to post a political statement on current events. Mr. Bush's rating keep reaching "all-time lows" according to polls, but nothing ever changes. Most of the people that voted for him are now regretting it. Do I know this to be true, of course I do, by the polls and Republican fans who have voiced regret at having voted for him. I am quiet when they make that statement, I am not a "told ya so" type person, I have made mistakes in my life.

Immigration currently seems to be one of his issues. Immigrants flock over the California border and I am sure, the Canadian border, where I live. Our country is one giant melting pot, with Mexicans, Indians, Asians, Africans, and others from the Middle East. They are now talking about it being a felony for those who are here illegally, and most likely, deportation would result. The issue is compounded as corporate America realizes that there are not too many of us (Americans) who would perform the jobs that many of the immigrants do here in this country.

I have thought about this issue thoroughly and what has concerned me is how corporate America has begun to outsource many of our jobs to India, China, Thailand, etc., in THEIR attempt to procure cheap labor. Living near the Motor City (Detroit) one is constantly hearing of cuts at Ford, GM, etc. due to the availability of cheaper and well-made foreign cars.

Therefore, I wonder, is there a contradiction between our postition on immigration and the outsourcing of jobs outside of America? Maybe pot calling kettle black? How do we reconcile this issue of immigration versus our outsourcing?

*It's My Birthday!*

It's my birthday today and I would like to reflect on what I would have done different if I had my life to live over..........

I can only recite what that wonderful woman Erma Bombeck said better than I could ever say:

I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have never insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would would have burned the pink candle sculptured like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I wasn't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away 9 months of pregnancy, I would have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
There would have been more "I love you's," more "I'm sorry's".. but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every moment.. look at it and really see it...live it.. and never give it back.
Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Let's think about what god HAS blessed us with.
And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually. Life is too short to let it pass you by. We only have one shot at this and then it's gone.

Erma's life ended much too soon, I hope to use the hundred years that I have left to do these things and to enjoy my life...........I hope that you have a blessed day!!!

*How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways (or the conditions)*

What does love mean to you, do you love unconditionally? How many people can we say that we love, or even like, who we would do something for with 'no strings attached', no conditions.
Who do we give something without getting something back for ourselves, or are our acts, or deeds, unconditional in any way, shape or form?

I sometimes like to watch or hear myself interact or relate to the people that I love, and even those that I don't care for, and there are a few. There have been several times in my life, either through naivete or lack of better judgement, when I felt as if I was giving something of myself, when the truth of the matter was that it was given only with the expectation of some kind of self-fulfilling or gratifying return. When we do something for others, are our acts truly selfless, or do we have an ulterior motive, keeping our own needs in mind?

I guess, under oath of course, that I am guilty of both! Sometimes, I give with expectations of a return, whether it be a material one, a physical one or even a spiritual one There are other times, though, when I do give unconditionally, without strings, or conditions. Do I truly believe that your actions in this life will come right back at you! The Karma thing? Is the main reason I give unconditionally and without strings, because I expecte something in return? When I look at myself honestly, which I do frequently when I conduct my 'life inventory', my goal is to do something kind and loving for that person. If somethng boomarangs back to me in return, then it is a life bonus. but it is not a necessity.

I wonder how many people give with the expectation of receiving, conditionally or unconditionally, something in return?

Is it really all about our motives that draws that line where it holds some hostage, and some are given something to soothe their very soul?

*THE FULL MOON*

The other evening, as I was leaving work, I looked up into the sky and saw the most beautiful full Moon. It was a cold, clear night, with only a few noticeable stars in the sky. I love the Moon when it is full, when you can see all of it's beauty, and all of it's radiance. Sometimes, it even holds me captive as I watch it's brightness sparkle, an overshadowing of light gray penetrating it's bright surface. Harvest Moons are especially beautiful, they seem brighter and bigger. I often wonder what's on the other side of it, why do dogs howl at it and do werewolves truly come out during the full Moon. People write poems and songs as a tribute to the Moon.

I usually associate the full Moom with an intensity of emotion that denotes passion, fire, love and sensuality, to me anyway. Many others would describe much darker emotions when observing it, or even conclude that something unpleasant might occur because it is full, hence the expression, "be careful, it's a full Moon."

How does the full Moon affect others, does it affect their mood, their emotions, their behavior? As a nurse, going to work on the night of a full Moon, you know for sure that you are going to have an exceptionally busy, unexpected, or 'different' kind of shift. More people are born during full Moon, bleed more during full Moon, have accidents during the full Moon and in general, misbehave.............................

*I'm A Survivor* and I don't sing backup for Destiny's Child

For some dumb reason, people in this world believe that the strong are especially gifted in their ability to be strong in a crisis, manage their own lives, and help others, no matter what happens. This is utter nonsense and a complete fallacy in the civilized world. Rubbish, I say..........

Most of the people whom I have associated with in my life, people who are my friends, co-workers and even loved ones would characterize me as being a strong woman, almost on the level of Wonder Woman. They say 'tough as nails', able to handle and resolve many issues and problems that would leave others totally in the dark. They would also say that I am someone who is not a quitter when confronted with difficulties. You must also equate into this picture that I am a Registered Nurse who has seen people at their very worst, cared for them when they were very sick, or handled their deaths, all the while supporting the family through their loss. The job I have now is not for the faint of heart either. I work with adolescents in a psychiatric facility, and I see neglect, abuse, anger, incest, rape and abandonment. When families come in for visitation, I have to be professional and treat them as my 'other' patient, regardless of their issues or lifestyle. Most of our society turn their eyes, ears and minds away from having to see and hear when dealing with these people. I see children who have attempted suicide, children who have been abandoned, who cut themselves with razors, and children who escape from this with a dependence on drugs or alcohol. You have to admit that it takes one tough broad to resolve the problems of these types of individuals.

My question is, what happens when the strength dissolves, like an Alka Seltzer tablet in a glass of water? What can I do when there simply seems to be no answers, nor just resolutions to these problems, life situations, stressors? Who can one turn to for the help, the shoulder to cry on, the guidance, and most of all, the strength?

Have you ever heard the expression "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? or "God doesn't give you anything you cannot handle". I wonder how God determines who should be tested with situations of stress, sometimes unbearable in certain situations? Why would God want some of us to suffer so harshly? Don't you think he should at least make some of those strong people weaker, at least for some time, so that they can be spared, even for awhile, from those life situations which become next to impossible to bear? Have you not ever heard of someone with great strength claim that they are at the end of their rope? Interesting, huh?

I am not currently 'at the end of my rope' nor am I unhappy, sad, depressed, angry or stressed. Currently, my life is very fulfilled and I have nothing to really complain about. Sometimes, I just think about these things, and I wonder why....................