Over the past 10 years or so, I have had the occasion to meet people, both men and women, through the click of the mouse. Cyber-space has opened an entire universe to me, transecting both time, place and space. Some connections have been through chat rooms, various subjects including music, politics, fragrances, and books.But, who are these people who I meet in this impers0nal forum and what, if any true meaning and relationship do they have and give to our lives?
Do some of us feel more comfortable behind a compuer screen where we can be who we want, say whatever we feel (uncensored at times) and allow others to think about us in a way that may not be accurate in the real world? How often do we hear others say that they are there for us, and within a few weeks, maybe even days, their words dissolve like alka seltzer in water, and we do not even hear from them again? Are others reactors (i.e. people who only say, I am sending you thoughts and prayers), does this mean that they really care about us, would take the time to be there if necessary, or just want to look good on the computer screen for others to see?
Sometimes it seems as if we give those individuals whom we meet on the internet more value and excuse them more often if they do not meet our expectations, than those individuals who are a part of our real, non-cyber lives. Sitting behind the veil of a screen reminds me, in a way, of the great and powerful Wizard of Oz. We imagine grandiosely, when in reality, there may sit someone who, like everyone else, is timid, shy and maybe a cut below average.
I remember back in 2002 when I found that my oldest daughter had passed away. I came home with my then husband and was at a loss for what to do with myself. My then husband, of course, had no difficulty just going to bed and sleeping. I couldn't do that, I couldn't function, I couldn't move, I didn't know what to do. I turned on my computer and began journaling my thoughts, my anguish and my pain on one of my nursing message boards. It was the middle of the night and I thought no one would even notice. The next morning my email was flooded with my cyber nurse friends love and concern. It literally made me sob. This wasn't just published on the nursing board, this flood of email was sent to me personally and the thoughts were so kind and caring. My cyber friends overwhelmed me with their kindness and yes, their love.
Pain and loss are the great equalizers, and it is often the case that during these times, we know truly who our friends are, and who are those who say the are, but are not. That being said, there have been individuals whom I have met through the internet who have been genuinely concerned, caring and even loving in so many ways. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every human being with whom we interact is created in God's image, and therefore, is as valuable as we are ourselves.
I have belonged to a board called The Perfume of Life for over 8 years now. It is a board with thousands of members who discuss their love of fragrance, all of the industry news, as well as various topics such as life issues, art and music, a Swap and trade section. Recently a very loved member of our little community had not been on the board for over a month. I personally had sent her several personal messages wondering if she was okay. I didn't know if she was ill, was on vacation, or what was going on. Through the search function of Google, one of our members discovered her obituary! This was immediately after her death, less that a week or so. We were all so sad and so upset, she was beloved to us. One of our members from Leeds, England knew that her youngest son posted on Facebook. That member, our Prince Barry, messaged how much we all loved and missed her and were sorry to hear of her demise. I woke up early this morning to see a message posted on the Perfume of Life board from her husband and it made me cry. He came to our board and contacted me personally to thank all of our members for the numerous messages posted when we found out she had died. One of our moderators personally copied and sent her husband all of the loving memories we posted about her. This is the power of the internet, these are people that I love and that I care for.....
What have I learned from this experience, and where does it leave me in terms of the conclusions that are reached about relationships on the internet vs. those outside of cyber-space? For one thing, I am much more appreciative of the real friends that I have. Flaws and all, you are grand, and when you say you care, you mean it. When you say you pray, you do it, and when you say you are there for me, I can literally feel your hearts beat......
