For anyone who reads my blog frequently, one would know that I have been against the war in Iraq from the get go. I said at the time, to myself and several friends, "If our country invades Iraq, we will be opening 'pandora's box'.
It's not that I am a follower or a great fan of Saddam Hussein, I am not; just like I not a fan of any dictator and he is only one of many. There are some far more dangerous and ruthless than Saddam Hussein. No, it was not that, it was that our country, the United States of America, had no business whatsoever being there since there were more, many actually, problems closer to home that deserved our attention. We essentially gave up on our search in Afghanistan for Bin Laden; we could have caught him if we had not rushed to judgement and invaded Iraq looking for those elusive 'weapons of mass destruction'. Bin Laden is still out there somewhere, making threats against our country, and we found no weapons of mass destruction.
I was watching CNN today and heard that several billion more dollars and at least 60,000 more troops are needed in Iraq and that the violence is increasing almost to a civil war. I can't watch the news much anymore; I can't justify the money, the loss of life, both American and Iraqi, that is shown daily. It is horrific to me and it makes me cry. Almost two years later, over 2500 Americans have been killed, countless others wounded, and thousands of Iraqi citizens, women and children included are killed or injured and billions of dollars are being spent. We have no business being in Iraq, we have opened Pandora's box as I predicted when this massacre began.
Today, we know that Saddam had no weapons of mass destruction, and that our presence inside of his country has actually created more harm than good. Iraq is now more of a breeding ground for terrorists than ever before. Some citizens of Iraq are saying that times are worse now than during the tenure of Hussein, imagine that! As Americans, we are greatly overextended financially in a war that is not even our own.
My question is, why did we go? Why do we stay there? Soldiers leaves have been canceled at the last minute so that they cannot leave Iraq, but must stay and fight. Imagine how they, and their families, feel? They are even thinking of recruiting our National Guard. Is anyone going to stay home to protect our country?
We have no dignity or respect left in other country's world view; just a short time ago, we were the greatest, richest, most respected in the world. We lost that respect; we are in greater financial distress than we have ever been; we are not solving our own country's issues and we have lost over 2500 young soldiers.
Was it worth it? I don't think so and I never have. It will be decades before this issue is resolved and that is the future that my children and grandchildren will have to live with, all because we opened Pandora's box.
We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the heart:
Love, kindness, joy, understanding, sympathy, tolerance, forgiveness.
We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the mind:
Ideas, dreams, purposes, ideals, principles, plans, inventions, projects, poetry.
We give of ourselves when we give gifts of the spirit:
Prayer, vision, beauty, aspiration, peace, faith.
We give of ourselves when we give the gift of words:
Encouragement, inspiration, guidance.
*Give people more than they expect and do so cheerfully.
*Memorize your favorite poem.
*Don't believe all that you hear, spend all that you have or sleep all that you want.
*When you say "I love you", mean it.
*When you say "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.
*Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
*Believe in love at first sight.
*Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
*Always love deeply and passionately. You may get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.
*In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
*Don't judge people by their relatives.
*Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes soft.
*Talk slow, but think quickly.
*Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
*Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
*Mind your own business.
*Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
*Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
*When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
*Remember the three R's:
Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
*Smile when picking up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.
*Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
*In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation, don't
bring up the past.
*Spend some time alone with yourself and enjoy your 'company'.
*Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
*Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
*Read more books and watch less TV.
*Keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
*Trust in God, but lock your car.
*Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
*Be gentle with the earth.
*Read between the lines.
*Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
Hold fast your dreams!
Within your heart
Keep one still, secret spot
Where dreams may go.
And, sheltered so,
May thrive and grow.
Where doubt and fear are not.
Oh, keep a place apart
Within your heart.
For little dreams to go.
Think still of lovely things that are not true
Let wish and magic work at will within you.
Be sometimes blind to sorrow. Make believe!
Forget the calm that lies in disillusioned eyes.
Though we all know that we must die,
Yet you and I may walk like gods and even now at home in immortality.
We see so many ugly things
Deceits and wrongs and quarrelings!
We know, yes we know how quickly fade the color in the west, the bloom upon the
flower, the bloom upon the breast, and youth's blind hour.
A place apart where little dreams may go, may thrive and grow.
Hold fast - hold fast your dreams!
My best friend and myself recently took a short vacation in Atlanta, Georgia to visit my son. We were flying back home on September 11th and we both noticed that the flight was only one-third full of passengers. Amazing, we could have our own individual bank of seats to relax on. I then began thinking that possibly many people were frightened to fly on this date, it being the five year anniversary of our country being attacked by a terrorist group, Al Quida.
For many of us, this day will commemerate their own memories on the importance and impact on them. But there we a larger question that looms in the background. Where are we today, as a nation, and around the world in combating the war on terror?
Mr. Bush will tell you that we are indeed winning this war, for there have not been any more attacks on U.S. soil since that horrible day. But, does this alone constitute a victory? Have we won the battle, but are we yet to gain in the war? How do we explain why so many home-grown terrorist groups have recently surfaced in Iraq, Hezbollah, and Hamas in Israel? What about this even larger threat in Iran, and it's development of nuclear weapons down the path? How about North Korea as well, can this country be excluded as a potential terrorist entity as well?
Since we invaded Iraq, this country has become it's own training ground for fundamentalist Islamic extremists from the Middle East, whose goals are to destroy all that is Western. Have we as a nation, truly learned the lessons? Are we better prepared to face those who want to attack us today, five years later? I personally feel that our world is a much scarier place today than it was five years ago. Why have the recommendations from the 911 commission not been implemented? Has our leadership been effective, or has it failed in making Americans safer today?
I will never forget 911, I never expected to see something as horrible happen in my lifetime. I will continue to pray for those who have suffered, in one way or another, from this tragic day in U.S. history. May the burdens of their hearts be lifted, as we, a nation, and a world, begin to make sense of those actions that took place on that terrible day.
I found it interesting to note as I watched a special on CNN titled "Footsteps of Bin Laden"that Osama Bin Laden truly believes that what he did resulting in the attack on the U.S. on 911 was ordained or directed by his god. I felt a cold chill enter my body when I heard this because George Bush said the same thing when he was questioned by a well-known writer. It is so scary, is it not?
Most people I know, if the truth be told, do not like change. To change means to do something differently, whether it be by act, deed or principle. Sometimes a change may involve a manner of living, thinking or relating. For example, a person who may feel some anger may need to think before speaking and curtail his/her comments and have to bite their tongue. Other times, change involves a complete shift, whether it be in the form of a job, a place to live, a relationship, and the list goes on and on.
I was listening to my mind as I was driving the other day, exploring my feelings actually, and started thinking about the recent changes in my own life. I have found that, in my own life anyway, the hardest part of any change is making the decision to do so. Once that decision is made, it is like an epiphany and I feel like a hundred pound weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. After that it is easy for me to adapt to the change. As you know, I frequently 'take stock' or do an inventory of myself, and I am totally honest with myself about my way of thinking and acting. For some, this is a task that is prefunctory, and the motions are done, but neither the thinking, nor the behavior changes. This self-evaluation, or inventory taking if you will, can be truly life changing, especially for those who are willing to take an honest look at themselves and take true stock in how they have been acting or behaving.
I truly feel that one can grow by adapting to change. By growing, we are learning that some patterns of thinking or behaving do not work so well for us; we must take the time to think them through and follow a different course. But changing is difficult to say the least, but to stay the same, and not take an honest look at oneself, and learn, can be even more harmful in the long run.
I have learned some valuable life lessons through change. I lived alone in Florida for several years in a beautifully furnished home, had a good job, all of the things that I thought that I wanted, but I was far from happy. One self-reflective night, sitting on my porch, watching a lightening storm, I made the decision to sell the home, move back to Michigan and be with my family. I have never regretted that decision. I was able to be the Grandma I always wanted to be, I was able to establish a bond with my Mother before she died and renewed many friendships that I had left behind. Again, the hardest part of making that change was the decision to do so.
I also made the decision to end a marriage that never really was one. I stewed over that change for quite a while, but once I made the decision, I could not believe how much happier I became. I feel such a strong sense of independence since then. I am happy with the job I do, I love coming home at night and greeting my cats since their love is unconditional, and I love being with 'just me' because through change I have enriched my life many times and I am comfortable being alone with 'just me'.
I just recently read an article about a new book written by Mitch Albom, an author who I have read before. I loved his first book called "The 5 People You Meet In Heaven" which I read in one sitting and cried because it was so beautifully written. I then read his other book called "Tuesdays with Morrie", which I didn't really care for or consider as well-written as the above.
He is now releasing today a book called "For One More Day" which poses the question of whom one would like to spend just one more day with of the people that one had lost.
Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more day to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? I began seriously posing this question to myself and here are my thoughts:
I lost my daughter, Leslie, in July of 2002 and I would still find that being able to spend one more day with her would be too painful for me to endure now. It is still extremely difficult for me to deal with the fact that she is gone. I also believe that every parent that has ever lost a child, regardless of their age, feels some form of guilt that they were unable to either save or prevent the death of that child. Even if there was nothing you could have done, it is still impossible to come to grips with it. Maybe this is especially true for mothers, who feel that sense of protectiveness and caring for their children even when they grow older. I know that I will never lose this protectiveness, ever, for the two children that I have remaining, nor for my grandchildren, call it maternal instinct if you will. It is through my strong belief in my faith and the hereafter that I know she is protected now and that I will see her soon.
Then I thought of my Mother, who died shortly after my daughter. I always had a strained relationship with my mother until a few years just before she died. It wasn't because I wanted it that way, that's just the way that it was. During the last few years before she died, though, I did everything I could to try to form a more durable bond between us. She was ageing and I was her caregiver when her health failed. I sat with her in hospitals and nursing homes when she experienced confusion and delirium due to the deterioration of her health. Before that I also frequently took her, her wheelchair, her oxygen tank, and her, to her doctor's appointments, as well as to fun things such as getting her hair done or spending the day at Costco shopping (she loved that) or wherever she wanted to go. I insisted on getting her dressed up and taking her to family functions on the holidays even though she resisted; she preferred to stay in her home as a recluse, but I wouldn't allow it and she did have fun with her children, grandchildren and great-children. The last photo we have together is during her last visit to my daughter's house for Christmas. She is wearing a red sweater that I bought for her and she is smiling, something she had forgotten to do, due to her self-imposed reclusiveness. I also am smiling and have my arm protectively around her. I treasure that photo. I know that she loved that Christmas. I also remember her frequent phone calls before she got sick, asking me to bring her treats from McDonalds or Wendy's or Kentucky Fried Chicken, which I did. I then would spend time with her and ask her about her health or how she was doing, and frequently gave her baths or groomed her hair. She religiously watched QVC and would call and ask me to order things for her because she somehow couldn't open an account for herself.
I also was the one that made the decision, by myself, to take her off life support and I was with her when she died. For all of this I am thankful because, in my heart, I know that we finally 'bonded' and that I did the best that I could for her. I wouldn't need to spend the day with her either because I accomplished what I wanted to do and say before she died.
I then began to think of my Dad, who died at the age of 40, when I was still young. I would love to spend that day with him - that is my choice. He died before he could see his children marry, have their own children and could experience the great love of being a grandparent. He came to my high school graduation but he never was able to see me further my education and advance in my nursing practice and obtain not one but 3 degrees. He would have loved that. He would also have loved to see how well his grandchildren were raised by myself, my brother and my sister. He would never know the fine values, the ethics and the strong sense of right and wrong that he had instilled in his children. My dad made me the political person that I am today by asking me to watch the elections or the campaigns with him on television. He was a strong union man and also a Democrat. He explained to me that running this country was something everyone should be interested in. He explained, after each candidate's speech, what all of it meant and developed my foundation for caring about my country and who was running it. My dad served in 3 branches of the service during WWII. The freedom we have in this country today is not something he ever took for granted, he fought to ensure that we had it.
It is not something today that is stressed to our young people; to get involved and know who your candidates are, what they stand for, and insisting that they fulfill the promises that they made. My dad also taught me to be proud of who I was and not to ever settle for anything less. In all truthfulness, though, he wanted me to be a policewoman, he really did. He wanted me to take care of him when he got older, and I would of, but he didn't get older and I didn't become a policewoman either. In the short time that he lived, he taught me more than anyone in my life.
Yes, when I think about it, I would loved to spend that day with my Dad and show him my life. We could go out for a cold beer, something he also loved and discuss the politics of today, he would have many opinions on that!! And as far as my accomplishments in life, well, he would be so proud!
Today was Justin's 8th birthday. I went out this morning and bought him a Star War's light sabre, something he has always wanted. I think I mentioned before how Nate, our mental health worker, brings in his 'real' one and the little boys on the unit where I work run up and down the halls at night with their capes (tied hospital gowns) and pretend to be Jedi warriors.
He loved the light sabre. His adoptive mother and little sister were coming in especially for his birthday. We had the kitchen at work bake a cake especially for him and his family. We rearranged our whole evening schedule so that he could enjoy his family and his birthday party. We had 11 other children on the unit, some his age and some teenagers, chip in to make it a special day for him, and it was, at least for a little while. I carefully planned out how I would adjust his medication given in order to keep him calm, not showing his inner rage and anger, so that he could enjoy at least this one birthday. I wanted it to be special for his little sister and his adoptive mother as well since they love him so. Even though he requires placement for at least 18 months in a facility that will attempt to control his rage, his adoptive mother will take him back again and try to give him a good life when the 18 months is over. He has been at our facility this time since July awaiting placement, since we are a short term facility. We are patient, though, his doctor loves him as well, and we will await the opening for a bed at the other facility. He has been with us on several other admissions, but we always take him back. We are still trying to 'fix' the damage his parents did and pray for a somewhat average adulthood for him, so that he doesn't become a part of the penal system.
Justin was born addicted to drugs since his mother used all of her pregnancy, most likely not even obtaining prenatal care. His parents also sexually and physically abused him grossly before he was even 2 years and eventually removed from the home. He was thrown against the wall as an infant and he and his sister were severely neglected before the authorities stepped in and removed him from the home. His adoptive mother took he and his sister in and even at the risk of eventually ruining an already unstable marriage, she has hung in there and kept him and his sister. She loves them, even though she is sick herself with Lupus that flairs up frequently due to his many behavior problems and admissions to our psychiatric hospital. She is the mother that should have given birth to them, but she didn't. I sometimes wonder if their 'real' mother ever considers the damage she has done to him. I hate her for what she has done, but I doubt that she will ever know this or care. Sometimes I have even fantasized about (if I could) taking his parents by the shoulders, shaking the heck out of them, and saying "look what you have done to your children, look at the life they have, all due to your selfishness, you should have never been allowed to bring children into this world" but I know that I can't so it is just a fantasy of mine.
Justin acts out sexually constantly now, even though we have tried so many different medications to control his behavior. He has even reverted back to wearing pullup diapers, he had complete control not too long ago. We have counseled him, tried behavior modification, everything and anything we can to help him, but nothing seems to work. When he gets into a rage, we have one of the staff escort him to the quiet room to hold him down when he is throwing things, destroying property, swearing, hitting, kicking or attacking, in order to calm him down. We give him medication to assist in the calming but it seems nothing is working anymore. When the medication kicks in and he has had his supper, I take him to his room and run a warm shower for him. He gets ready for bed and sweetly asks, Miss Charlotte, please come and tuck me in. So we keep doing it, day after day, and hope and pray that something will eventually work so he live a somewhat normal life in our society.
I often hope that his mother and dad someday know that through their selfishness and disregard for their children, this is what they have created, a child who is barely manageable, who must be medicated, sedated, just in an attempt to enjoy his birthday party. It just doesn't seem fair to me, he should be a little boy like all other little 8 year old boys, looking forward to starting school, making new friends, and playing Jedi warrior with his light sabre...................
