*Hopefully Heading In The Right Direction*

I do most of my deep thinking at night when I am able to quietly look at the moon and the stars and complete my life inventory. Everyone makes bad decisions at one time or another in their lives, but, hopefully, they are lessons learned. Sometimes, it helps for me to sit on my balcony and enjoy the stars, the moon and the quietness of the night. It is when my mind is most clear and able to process thoughts and decisions better.
My writing my thoughts down, as I do on my blog has brought forward some good resolutions about life and it's meaning, and about God, and what he means to me.
I truly believe that during this lifetime, challenges and difficulties are lessons to be learned. This is life, and this is how it unfolds in so many unique and unknown ways. But, now is the time for me to take a step forward, in the right direction of course, putting some of these tragedies, misfortunes, and happen-stances in their proper perspective and giving them their proper place.

It is truly the case that life is in session. What that means to me is that the forces of the universe are at work, and stuff happens, with little reference to what, if any impact it will have on me or my life. When I feel I am getting into trouble, at least it feels that way to me, is when I want things to happen so that I can be comfortable and undisturbed!. What a wonderful world it would be if this were the case, would it not? The world is my stage, I am the director and everyone should act according to my plans? All turns out exactly as I desire, and, there is peace of mind and stillness of the heart. But, we all know, life doesn't happen that way, on in a perfect world. How often do we believe that if we just did something a certain way, our efforts would be rewarded, and we would obtain the results that we wanted. If only the universe would respond the way we desire, we are comfortable and consequently, happy.

This brings me to my epiphany for today. Although I say that I believe in God, do I really trust God? What this means to me, it seems, is do I really let go, believing that all will happen according to His will, or do I hold on tightly to the reigns, being content only when His will happens to echo mine is some way? How often do I really trust God completely? Can I accept when something does not turn out the way I want it to be?

I took a long walk today, not waiting for my nightly thought ritual, and I realized that I have not heard the beautiful sounds of the birds chirping, nor had I smelled the freshly mowed grass, which I love the fragrance of. It had been awhile since I heard the voices of my family, my friends, truly being present for them and listening, not hearing what they had to say. Taking the first step in the right direction, for me, means beginning to get out of the self, to realize that all action and reaction is not simply about me feeling comfortable or being content.