*Good Manners Are Becoming Extinct*

I recently spent a week in Atlanta, Georgia with my son who lives there. It was a very relaxing week and a very thoughtful one. I love to relax and observe the world, people and things, a hobby of mine. While at my son's lovely house, I observed at how well he decorates it. His home is very clean, and cared for. It is in a cul-de-sac that is private and beautifully maintained. It is apparent that he has carefully thought about his furniture, his color scheme and the image that he wants to obtain. It is a home that you can relax in, gorgeously decorated yet comfortable. His kitchen is well stocked with nice dinnerware, lovely wineglasses, the latest, innovative cookbooks. His bedrooms are comfortable and luxurious, relaxing for sleep or to read. His landscaping is his pride and joy and it is apparent. He himself is well-groomed, he dresses well and prides himself in his work and his career . He drives a new Jeep, something that he has always wanted. He goes to great lengths to care for me, his mother, buying my plane tickets, planning my week, everything thought out and carefully planned. Where did all the time go? Where is that little boy who loved Snoopy, the dog, and had imaginary playmates? He has turned into a fine young man, with perfect manners, thoughtful and considerate to his family and his friends. I then began to pride myself in having raised children with manners, who take pride in their homes, their jobs, their families. All of this observation led me to observe the state of our society, where good manners are becoming extinct.

While waiting for my flight home from Atlanta, I began observing people. I decided to have a bite to eat at a restaurant in the airport. At a table near mine, there were two couples, the men dressed in well-cut suits and wearing ties, women trying to look like trophy wives, and succeeding. The men's haircuts were neat and even their fingernails were clean. The females sported the latest in the 'natural' look, which means that they are painted and polished to the hilt. Unfortunately, the conversation and off-color words bouncing from their table to mine belie the couples' appearance. They are packaged pretty, but underneath the facade is nothing but mud and muck.

In this age of egalitarianism, it is difficult to discern just who people really are by the cut of their clothes or the smell of their perfume. Money opens doors, of course, but money does not make for well-mannered people. A lot of people make big bucks, but barely know how to use a fork and knife correctly, let alone how to have a conversation without resorting to overused four-letter words to get their point across.

There are far too many self-centered idiots around. We see them everywhere. While waiting for my luggage in Michigan, a middle aged man brushed past me to get to another turnstile almost knocking me over. An elderly gentlemen looked at me and shook his head and said "whatever happened to excuse me, and sorry"? People are now brash, impatient and totally not self-conscious, a lot like spoiled three-year-olds. They yell at the top of their voices at two in the morning as they walk the halls of a hotel, waking everyone sleeping in the rooms that they pass. They are pushy, disrepectful - and totally unaware of anyone but themselves.

We have been sending our young out into the world totally void of any politeness or manners with only the goal of making the big bucks as their mantra. They haven't a clue how to act in social circumstances. They think the world is theirs because they can pay the bill, or their parents can. If they can't pay, they go bankrupt and stick everyone else with the cost of their overindulgences.
Maybe there are some who don't understand the reason behind teaching good manners to their young. The reason is so simple. A polite society is a peaceful society. The world is getting to be an ever more crowded place. Anyone who has done the tourist thing in the past several years can attest to the fact that more people are everywhere and the crowds are becoming crasser as the years go by.

Once dinner in a fine restaurant meant quiet conversations, respect for the people at nearby tables and background noise kept to a decent level. These days, eating out means blaring music, people at the next table who don't know how to keep their voices down and no knowledge of what real luxury means. These are folks with a 'bigger means better' attitude. We are now in the 'me generation' grown up into the obnoxious generation.

Once children learned how to behave in public in the privacy of their homes, I did and my children did as well, as will their children. But in these days of being 'too busy to let my child out of the stroller while I do my power walk', it's all about the parents, who want to stay young forever and fail to take on their responsibilities as parents. I see that so much in my career as a psychiatric RN who works in Adolescent Psych. Children need exercise too, mental and physical, but some parents think it's all about them, not the child. We are in the age of Peter Panism.

Successful consultants to large corporations make their livlihood teaching manners to executives on their way up the corporate highway. But, why wait until the child is a man or a woman to teach them how to get along socially in the world? Perhaps the solution to the ugly American syndrome night be a serious course of learning at Harvard or Yale or at our local grade schools. The benefits to all of us who would like a return to graciousness would be a kinder and gentler world, something we desperately need.

As I observe my children, my grandchildren, I am so proud of their manners, their courtesy to others, their love of fine things and their kindness. If I never did another thing in my life to be proud of, of this, my well-mannered children, I shall be eternally grateful for.