*All Of My Friendships*

For a greater part of my life, I believed that men and women could not develop a meaningful or satisfying friendship. I felt that if there even was an element of sexual attraction, or interest in one present, that the power of the genitals would overcome the gentleness of the heart. I had a very good friend named Tom in high school, who was gay and I consider him to have been the best friend I ever had. At the time, I didn't know he was gay and I didn't really care. We were the best of friends for years during junior high and high school. We did everything together and I never really questioned our lack of romantic interest in each other, we just loved being good friends. Today, I can honestly state that I believe that friendship between the sexes differs. I can only talk from my own perspective, and it is truly the case that men and women, for the most part, make different types of friends. Certainly, I have always had some wonderful male friends, who are up to par, if not better friends to me than women, but my generalization stands for the most part.

What is a friend, and what do we expect from them? To me, a friend is someone who cares for you unconditionally. Someone who is there for you during the good times, the mediocre times, and the difficult times as well. Throughout my lifetime, the men I have been involved with or married to, tend to run away from difficulties, either because of the inability or disability in being able to handle pain and be a source of true comfort. I am not saying that all men are like this, but the ones I have been involved were very limited and lacking in this area. I do have male friends who are the most compassionate and loving people, and in 99% of the male friends that I have, they are gay men! Do gay men make better friends then straight men? In my personal experience, Yes, they do. I also have known and worked with several lesbian women who were great, is this because they are women? I have had very few close friendships with women in my lifetime, there is always the issue of trust with them. My friend Judy, who has been through her own marriages and divorces as well as mine is my only loyal female friend. To have one good friend who is loyal and one you can count on is good.

I wonder if it is possible for men and women to be true friends? Are men different types of friends than women and do you have different expectations from friends of the same sex than of the opposite sex? Would you like your male friends to be the same as your friends? Does sexual orientation factor into the definition of what constitutes a good friend? I have pondered all of this and I am currently happy with the balance of gay men friends, some lesbian friends, and my dear Judy, who has been my friend for over 20 years. Frequently, I wonder what ever became of Tom, I will always treasure that friendship, it was priceless!!