Over the years, I have 'never' been one to make New Year's resolutions. When I was a little girl, I used to ask my Dad what his New Year's resolutions were. He would smile and always give me the same answer: I am giving up mountain climbing and deep-sea diving (something he had never done). I have lost weight without declaring it will be done on December 31st. I quit a terrible cigarette habit at the end of April eight years ago, believe me when I say this, quitting smoking was my 'ultimate' challenge, but I finally did it.
I will forget the goal of working out daily or joining a spa or health club, I know that is not going to happen.
I don't need a resolution in my life right now, I am happy and content. I could lose a few pounds, but I am not obese. I dealt with the smoking issue and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I anticipated a small weight gain with quitting that vile habit.
I know that I stated in my last post that I would not let the antics of our current leader, Mr. Bush get me upset. This declaration will cost me dearly because I doubt that I can or will even want to do that. As a American, I will continue to rant against people who have the sense of entitlement and assumed power that Mr. Bush feels that he has. What continues to amaze me though are his followers! I wonder to myself when I hear them praise him, "do they really believe he is doing a good job?" or "do they not want to admit that they were wrong in voting for him and are just now too ashamed to admit it?"
Today, though, I am resolving to be more patient, and this is one of my most serious flaws, blog-readers. If I ever do achieve that in this lifetime, I want to be bestowed with some type of award! I will really work on it though, I make that promise. Actually, I think that maybe I should just move into a Zen Buddhist Temple since I love their serenity and calmness. I will work on the belief that God's time, rather than my own, is the course to take. Secretly though, I have always believed that the "movers and shakers" of the world at least created 'change' instead of boredom.
My children will immediately answer that I have always been impatient, unable to allow life to unfold as it is supposed to in God's time, rather than my own time. I have mellowed though, after being on this Earth for so many years. Over the past several years, with the loss of my daughter, my Mother, my Stepfather and my Ex-Husband, and other family and friends in a very short period of time, I have had to accept God's time rather than my own time.
Currently, I am working on looking at my own behavior and taking stock of what needs to be done or undone. To me, this type of inventory taking is a daily process, wherein I look at myself, and try to make changes in my behavior rather than the other persons. Ultimately, I have a choice whether to have a good day or a bad day, the decision is mine.
One thing I HAVE learned over the years is to take this impatience and conquer it. Things will not change or happen faster just because you are angry about it. This is not how life works, and often by being impatient, I fail to appreciate the small steps and progress as it is before me at this very instant. Too much time is spent looking at the future, which I think should be better, rather than appreciating life's lessons in the moment. If one ever achieves this ability and is able to use it consistently, they are truly blessed.
With regards to my outspokeness, I am truly working on that. It was quite a problem in my youth when I protested the Vietnam war, carried placards, walked the Democratic protest lines, etc. Jane Fonda would have been proud of me! Since that time, over the years, I have, of course, mellowed and it is a 'work in progress'.
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