*Our Inner Child: Being A Kid Again*

I work as an RN at a psychiatric hospital in the Adolescent
Unit. I see children from all backgrounds with problems that the average layperson would be shocked to know. Some come from abusive homes, some come well-to-do homes in the suburbs, some are sent here through the court system. Some parents really care about their children and some could care less. One such young girl who I admitted last night was raised from birth in an orphanage in the Ukraine. At that orphanage, she was raped at the age of 6 years old. She was adopted by a couple in the United States at the age of 10. She had difficulty fitting in with these adoptive parents and when they determined that they could no longer keep her after a period of 3 years, she was sent to another set of parents in another state who became her guardians. She was not in this home long either, these parents also decided she didn't fit in and she was sent to several different youth homes and shelters. At these transient homes, she would self-mutilate, fight with and bite the staff and run out into the street in front of oncoming traffic. Due to all these attempts at self-harm, she was sent to our hospital for evaluation. She is now a temporary ward of the state and her future is up in the air - most likely she will be sent to another foster home or another shelter. As I sat with this beautiful child, I could not help but wonder what would eventually become of her. She had never known the innocense and wonder of a normal childhood. How would this important part of her psyche ever develop - love and security were something she had never known. She was forced to grow up with no support system, assuming responsibilities and having to deal with issues that any normal child would not have. She is not unusual in the field I work in, but I will never get used to that fact. I then began thinking, how many of us can go back to our normal inner child and be a kid again?

As we grow older and embrace the multitude of responsibilities that adulthood brings, we often bury a part of ourselves along the way. While a child, each new day brings a new adventure in the form of playing and learning. The fun you have then, as a child, is spontaneous and chaotic, unplanned and exuberant. While your obligations, successes and failures, anxietyabout the future, and lofty goals may make it seem like it's dangerous to step out of the role of adult, the child within still remembers what it was like to be full of mischief and good humor. Having fun for the pure delight of it can feel frivolous, but part of having fun is letting go and acting like a kid again.

It can be difficult to get excited about the changing of the seasons or the coming of a new year when you work year round. But, what better reason is there to have fun than the simple joy of long summer days that are great for running through the sprinkler, rolling in the grass looking for four-leaf clovers, catching fireflies in a jar at dusk, piles of autumn leaves to jump in, making snow angels in the winter or jumping through puddles in the Spring? Kids know instinctively that fun doesn't have to be carefully planned or scheduled in our day planner. Why not go to the nearest playground and spend some time on the swings, or shoot crumpled paper basketballs into your wastebasket during a slow afternoon at the office? Fun can come from veering away from your normal routine like having breakfast for dinner and cake for breakfast once in a while. Do something you have not done since childhood like making freezer pops, riding a bike, building a sandcastle or painting with fingerpaints. Finding fun in unexpected places is a kind of joy no one can ever take away from you. There are lessons to be learned by doing so, about staying carefree and doing something that makes you laugh.

I wonder about these children that are my patients and who they will be in their adulthood. Will their psyche survive the loss of their inner child? We only have them in our custody for a short time while the system decides which foster home or longterm youth home they will go to is decided. I remember them all, I think about them and I pray that eventually they will know happiness in their lives......................................