*Scrapping The Difficult Times*

I posted last month near my daughter's birthday about how I had not really dealt with her loss and that it was time to do so. Even though it has been nearly 4 years since she died, I had been in denial as a protective, defense mechanism so that I would not have to recall the pain and loss. I have a habit of doing that and believe me, I don't recommend it!

I had decided to finally deal with it, and to do it by memorializing her in a scrapbook. Scrapbooking is my passion, my creative side, my way of dealing with life's problems and issues by journaling and creating beautiful collage-type pages. I am complimented frequently on my scrapbooks.

How you decide to scrap the difficult times in your life is very personal and each individual has to decide what is right for them. I have found scrapping and journaling to be intensely healing for me. Even if you don't want all of your thoughts in your scrapbooks, I would suggest that you write them down anyway - just put your thoughts in a pocket page or keep them entirely separate. Even if you journal only for yourself or even delete what you write every night, it can still help you tremendously.

*Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened*

It took me a long time to say that and mean it. I am thankful for the years I had my daughter, for her individuality, for her life, I am blessed to have known her as a person.

*God can heal a broken heart, but he has to have all of the pieces*

*Happiness lives for those who cry, who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives*

The above thoughts (and I am writing thoughts and responding to them) are very true, unless you experience these things, you really have never known the importance of people in your life. My heart was very shattered because I was not allowing the healing, healing is a good thing.

*It's taking me a long time to be the person I want to be.*
*Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you can not bear the pain. But, you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond the pain. (Kahlil Gibran)*
*My guardian angel has a very tough job.*

I think that Kahlil Gibran knew me in another life when he spoke those words. My guardian angel does have a very tough job! I am almost where I want to be in the process if becoming the person I want to be. Somehow I have to believe that I'm worth all of the aggravation I cause myself.

*You'll never leave where you are, until you decide where you'd rather be*
*In grief, one can endure the day, but just the day. But when one also tries to bear the grief ahead, one cannot encompass it. As for happiness, it can only be the ability to experience the moment. It is not next year that life will be so flawless, and if we keep trying to wait for next year's happiness, the river of time will wind past us and we shall not have lived at all.*

I have done many scrapbooks, some good, some bad and some truly beautiful. The memorial scrapbook that I am almost finished with now will truly be my "masterpiece". I truly had no idea how wonderfully therapeutic and healing this gift of love to her would be. What I believed would be a very painful experience has been a wonderful, healing process for me. There is no sadness is this memorial, that is what death is about. It is a tribute to her short life, pages of pictures of her throughout her life, her funny little quirks, her kindness, her beauty, and most of all, her humanness.

The opening tribute page sure is a strange one. I was going through all of her pictures deciding which one to use as the opening tribute. I came upon a picture of her sitting at a child-size table with her sister's young son on his third or fourth birthday, She had this little clown hat on her head and the biggest grin, acting like the other kids at the party, she was having a great time! This is it, I said to myself, this is who she was - she never lost her 'inner child' as most grownups do. I am so thankful for that memory and the lives that she touched.

I would recommend this for anyone who wants to heal, to pay tribute to an important person in their lives - not with flowers and candles, give those things to them while they are alive when they can see them and appreciate them. Make it a positive, upbeat, happy scrapbook as a memorial, a tribute to someone who was kind enough to bring you happiness, love and fond memories with their lives.