Here it is July, a month that I have grown to hate. Each year, I try not to think about it, but I literally hold my breath that nothing happens until the month is over. Silly, yes? But, I have had so many losses occur in this month that I feel it has become a month to fear.
My first loss in July was July 7, 1962. My father, who was only 40 at the time, died while I was at the airport picking up my sister who was coming in from Missouri to be at his bedside. I just happened to stop during my walk through the airport and called my mother. I had a feeling something was wrong, but my Dad had conquered illness so many times that I wasn't prepared for this loss. I was pregnant with my first child, Leslie. I took his death very hard - I was extremely close to my Dad and not at all prepared to lose him.
My second loss was my dear grandmother, Frances on July 17, 1967 . Oh how I loved that woman. She had been ill but I didn't expect to lose her either. I traveled to Ohio to be at her funeral and was pregnant at the time with my second child, my son Steven.
My oldest daughter died on July 5, 2002. Now I knew there was something about July. Her death took all of the inner strength that I could muster up just to keep breathing.
I hope to get through this July with no further loss and I dedicate this message to the loved ones that I have lost:
Listen to the wind when I'm not there to be with you,
For as it dries your tears away it will tell you of my love.
As you walk in the fields of Heaven, when I'm not there to walk with you,
Listen to the lark as it sings of my love for you.
When it's late at night and I'm not there to hold you,
Dream of tomorrow and you will find me there.
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