*Could Santa Claus Be A Woman?*

After thinking and thinking about it, I think that Santa Claus is really a woman.........
I sure hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but all things
considered, I believe he is a she.
Just stop and think about it - Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal. I have a very hard time believing that a guy could possibly pull it all off.
To begin with, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas eve. Once they finally arrive at the mall, they only seem to be able to find Ronco products, socket wrench sets or mood rings left on the shelf. This fact alone makes me believe that Santa is a woman. If he were a man, everyone would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree!
Another big problem for a male Santa would be just getting there. There would be no reindeer to take him because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if Santa did have reindeer, he would still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and would then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
There are other reasons why Santa could not possibly be a man:
Men don't know how to pack a bag.
Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet!
Men would feel their masculinity was threatened - having to be seen with all those elves!
Men never answer their mail.
Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly".
Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can accept the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men - Father Time shows up only once a year unshaven and looking ominous, definite guy thing!
Cupid flies around carrying weapons!
Uncle Sam is a politician that likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone-screening test.
But Santa??? Not a chance......................